Blessed be His Name!

It is so true that when times are good we praise God. We thank him over and over for the good things He brings into our lives. It is when times get bad that we forget to praise Him still. How do you thank God for pain and suffering?


A song keeps playing in my head these days. I was first introduced to it when I began singing at church after a long time of not using the gift I have. It grew on me immediately. Now when I sing it or listen to it, the words have MUCH greater meaning. It is written by Matt & Beth Redman and I encourage anyone who comes across it to listen to it. 


We SHOULD praise God and thank Him for everything we are given. He gives us opportunities to bear crosses to become closer to Him; more like him in spirit. Do I always have a truly thankful heart? No. Of course not! I'm human! But when I feel alone and scared about the future and self-pity creeps in, I remind myself of the truly abundant blessings God has given me, and I thank Him for the chance to bear my own insignificant cross so that I might be stronger.


It is said that we will be refined through fire - and come out as gold and silver. Well, fire burns. It scars. But these wounds and scars are nothing - absolutely nothing - compared to what Jesus endured. The wounds and scars we receive here will only make us stronger, more pure.


"Blessed Be Your Name" partial lyrics

Blessed Be Your Name
In the land that is plentiful
Where Your streams of abundance flow
Blessed be Your name

Blessed Be Your name
When I'm found in the desert place
Though I walk through the wilderness
Blessed Be Your name

Every blessing You pour out
I'll turn back to praise
When the darkness closes in, Lord
Still I will say

 

Blessed be Your name
When the sun's shining down on me
When the world's 'all as it should be'
Blessed be Your name

Blessed be Your name
On the road marked with suffering
Though there's pain in the offering
Blessed be Your name

Who am I?

I have never done this before. I'm not exactly certain why I have decided to this. Maybe it is because I feel as a young, Catholic woman I am very much alone in my current situation. Maybe I think my wearing my heart on my sleeve, so to speak, and speaking candidly about my thoughts and feelings others might feel some sense of peace or hope. I never imagined I would be married, have two children and be getting a divorce all before I was thirty! Yet, here I am. I am, what I consider to be, a devout Catholic. I believe marriage is sacred. I also believe that there comes a time when a relationship is so toxic, so draining, that there is no other option than to divorce.

I filed for divorce from my husband of nearly four years when my second child was five months old. My husband was asked to move out three months before. While the time frame may seem rushed to some, this was not something I entered into lightly. In fact, I am exiting my marriage with much more prayer and faith than I ever had entering it. 

It has absolutely amazed me how present God has been throughout this new journey of mine. He has always been present in my life, but so often I have turned away or simply closed my eyes and pretended everything was alright. I would never be able to do what I am doing now, though, if it wasn't for God's awesome love.

I am not perfect and I struggle daily with my feelings of anger and resentment toward my (ex)spouse. But along with my daily struggles I pray. I pray for all that I need to get me through this time. To lead me on the path God has chosen for me. I pray to firmly and resolutely renounce my own will and replace it with God's. God does not abandon us. 


I had an "ah-ha" moment the other day when thinking about the situation with my (ex)spouse. I was thinking of how I try to forgive, I try to move past what has occured. I try to speak kindly and normally and I try to discuss things like regular people do. But then something will occur and I will end up sobbing hysterically to my mom or sister. Wanting this all to just go away. At that moment I thought, "Well, I just quit. I'm not going to try anymore. I'm through being the bigger person." And it hit me. Where would I be if God thought the same?


How many times have I fallen? How many times have I known that what I was doing was most definitely NOT in God's plan, yet I did it anyway? God didn't quit. He watched me rise time and again and continued to guide me even though He knew I'd fall again. I know am not God. Yet I am called to treat others fairly and compassionately. I am called to love my enemy. Who am I to just 'quit'? Who am I that I can pick and choose who I treat fairly and compassionately, and then become hateful toward others? The answer is: I am no one if not one in God. So, I must continue to do the 'right' thing. Even if it feels like that is a cross I cannot bear.