I've done it. I've fallen into the pity party trap. I'm whining and venting and letting it all go. I know I shouldn't act this way, but I just can't seem to help it lately. My level of frustration has reached its maximum level.
I know there are so many people who have much more right to complain about their circumstances than I do. I am blessed beyond measure by my children, family and friends. I am blessed with gifts from God. So, then, why do I allow my heart to feel this way?
Today I plan on consecrating myself to Christ through Mary. I am so afraid to do this, though, because I am so filled with anger and loathing toward my (ex)spouse. I feel hypocritical and like I am failing God by having these feelings. I will move forward with my consecration hoping that it will at least partially calm the storm within my heart, but am I strong enough to make it through to the other side?
"You'll Never Walk Alone" is playing in my mind right now (Elvis' version to be precise). I KNOW I am not alone. I KNOW there is light on the other side. Yet even knowing these things I still feel the weight of this situation on my shoulders. On my world.
I will be divorced soon. I will be treated unfairly. I will be belittled and ridiculed by my (ex)spouse. He will not have to suffer any consequences for his actions. I will struggle to pay my bills. I will be lied to. I will be able to make it through. I will be lifted up by Christ and Mary. I will be supported unconditionally by my friends and family. I will be stronger and more faithful because of this. I will make a sincere effort to NOT complain and vent in public!
My God, You did not complain about the cup You drank from! You didn't whine about the betrayal or crucifixion. Mary, you didn't lash out at those who destroyed and disgraced your precious son. Your baby. You both bore your crosses gracefully and humbly. Please, please, please help me to do the same. I am weak and human and tempted to give in to my own self pity. The invitations are addressed and stamped. Please, help me throw them away rather than send them along.
It's okay to whine and vent sometimes. Your heart is hurt. You don't have to compare it to someonelse's pain, we shouldn't compare our pains and sufferings - they are each unique and they all hurt terribly. I am so glad that you are making the Consecration! Depend upon His strength to get you through to the other side. I assure you that it will. It got me through...He continues to carry me through.
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