Friends with Benefits?

While watching tv the other night a preview for the upcoming film, Friends with Benefits came on. All I could think of was, “Wow.” We allow this type of “entertainment” to be glorified and then wonder why our society is so utterly lost. 

According to a submitter on Urbandictionary.com, friends with benefits can be defined as “two friends who have a sexual relationship without being emotionally involved. Typically two good friends who have casual sex without a monogamous relationship or any kind of commitment.” And therein lies the problem.  Casual sex, being noncommittal, shirking all accountability and responsibility – these are the avenues our society chooses to take. 

People praise themselves as being free to do as they please, yet at the same time they allow themselves to be controlled by their self-gratifying behavior. How is that freedom? How are you free when you feel a compulsion toward sex? How are you free when you feel you must not commit to anyone? That isn’t freedom. It is simply another type of bondage. Being bound by your own desires and instincts or by what society says is acceptable isn’t freedom.

With movies like Friends with Benefits and No Strings Attached is it any wonder that we, as a society, feel the way we do about sex and relationships? These both boast of freedom from commitment. All of the fun but none of the worry, so to speak. The interesting thing is, the end is always the same – you CAN’T have just “casual sex” and not feel SOMETHING. The end always has the two “sex partners” falling in love. That speaks volumes about the reality of these situations that are so highly sought after.

It is even interesting when you think of how sex is viewed when it comes to different people. When thinking of parents, most people cringe and are “disgusted” – yet that is what brought them into the world! For most it was an act of love and commitment that brought about the miracle of life! Then you think of two Hollywood stars – who are actors, not committed to each other, not even necessarily portraying people who love each other - and that’s when people pay to see it. How skewed is that perspective? We cringe at the thought of an act of love, but crave visuals of merely “acting”. We want to see something that isn’t real and that is just satisfying those instincts and desires. We don’t want to see something beautiful and true. 

I guess I am becoming more and more aware of what movies and the media are doing to our views on sex and relationships. The distortion seems magnified to me lately. Thank God I am seeing things more clearly. For so many years I have viewed the world through secular eyes covered with a thin Catholic film. Now, however, my eyes are becoming more Catholic and the film more secular. I am realizing daily that even though people say they want something casual and that they don’t care, they are ultimately seeking the same thing everyone wants – to be and FEEL loved. Love! We need to turn our eyes and hearts from seeking “benefits” which mimic love, and turn to giving and receiving true gifts of love.