What am I?

After reading a response to a question I posted about reverting to my maiden name, I started thinking. I certainly don't want to imply that I'm single by changing my name. But, at the same time, while I know I am still married within the church, I don't know that I consider myself "married" in the traditional sense. Do I believe by dating and/or beginning a physical/emotional relationship with someone I am being unfaithful? Yes. I find myself at times thinking of what might be ahead for me as far as relationships go, but right now I won't pursue anything.

I believe I am still married within the church, but to society I am not. So, what am I? Take Facebook. If I updated my Facebook status would I put "Divorced Catholic discerning petitioning for an annulment"? There just doesn't seem to be a proper title for me. I don't even know how to begin to explain the whole divorced-Catholic situation. I feel that by even saying I'm divorced I'm disassociating myself with my faith and going against what the Church teaches. But that can't be, can it?

This is all kind of like losing my place in the world. My (ex)husband has been referring to himself as single since shortly after he moved out. I don't think he's "single", but then again, his faith and my faith played a huge factor in the breakdown of our marriage.

Just a little lost right now. Everything was signed last week so it is now official. I am legally, civilly divorced. Kind of feels like a punch to the gut. I am so, so sad. Really "sad" isn't appropriate, nor does it fully express the level of emotion I feel, but it is still a good word. I had so many dreams of what my life would be and how my little family would grow. I would be a mom & wife. Now, I am still a mom, but I'm not a wife. Guess I'm trying to find the proper label for me right now.

I pray daily for guidance and strength. I pray for the will to forgive and move on and genuinely with my (ex)husband the best. It is so difficult, but I do try. I will just continue to pray for guidance in this as well.